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red mottled pillow

Badness occurred; this entry got blown away by some scriptkiddie, I guess.

There used to be a picture of a pillow. It was a pretty nice pillow.

It’s worth noting that I no longer live in the apartment building where the swapmeet table was. This site, unlike many others I’ve started and then neglected, is actually genuinely moot, in that sense — which, honestly, I don’t know if that’s a comforting or sad or a little bit of both.

RIP, laundryroom swapmeet. You were a good weird time.

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Pan, Glasses and Magazines

Hey there!  You know what’s been kind of bugging me about the ol’ Swapmeet (other than that me-not-updating-it thing)?

Everything is out of date!  You might not realize this, but most of the photos that have been posted since, like August?  Were taken back in August.  There was a real big pile of action down on the swapmeet table around then, and as a result I got a lot of pictures.  And since I was doing one item at a time, those pictures lasted a long dang time.

As a matter of fact, I still have a backlog.  And it’s been killing my morale, and that’s just about enough of that.

So to heck with that!  Let’s jump to the present, dump the one-item-per-entry thing, and just see what’s going on in the laundry room, goddammit!  Are you ready?  Yes!  You are totally ready!  Let’s go!

glasses and pan

Two decorative christmas-y wine glasses, and a small metal frying pan with a wooden handle!  These showed up independent of each other, I think, but they’ve been hanging out together down there for a few days now; seems like no one wants either.

Consider that those are not particularly over-sized glasses: that is one tiny little frying pan.  I’m thinking a dwarf got his second growth and is upsizing.

pan detail

Detail shot of the pan.  I kind of feel like mocking its smallness and crappiness is the clear path, but for some reason I find the handle on this thing just plain charming.  And that little metal hook or loop or whatever you want to call it, on the end there?  I don’t know if it came standard or got customed in by the dwarf or what, but I like it.  Very rustic utilitarian.

Maybe it’s not a dwarf at all.  Maybe it’s a giant descendent of William Burroughs, and this is the belt-loop spoon he keeps around for cooking up–but he’s kicking, man, he’s kicking that dang old giant-sized horse and he doesn’t need this stuff anymore.  If a hypodermic the size of a turkey baster shows up, I’m going to consider it a closed case.

glass detail

Ho ho ho!  It’s frickin August, okay?  Nobody wants a glass with christmas trees and snow on it.  It’s like stopping at a news stand in the middle of the Sahara and picking up a copy of Water Monthly.  No.  No thank you.  These glasses are going to sit on the table until at least Thanskgiving, if someone doesn’t destroy them in a fit of heat exhaustion first.

o and you 24

Oprah is just fucking thrilled to be Oprah.  In the mean time, Andre Agassi is just happy to be on a magazine cover.  You know what I miss?  The mullet.  That dang mullet.  That was a rebel, Andre.  That guy, over there, who you used to be.

dropping off

And this happy crowd?  This is me giving back to the swapmeet.  We cleaned out the cleaning supplies last weekend; this is all the stuff we just don’t use.  The iron is fine, but we got a new one; the detergent is fine except it smells way too much.  (I put signs on both of those, since either could be conceivably mistaken for non-swapmeet laundry paraphernalia.) 

The spray bottles were occupying niches we just didn’t need filled; and I don’t need those Clorox things because I live in a state of constant, willful filth and it’d be kind of antithetical to have it around.

And what about that speckled-out blob in front of it all?  What, indeed!  Introducting a new feature: What the Hell is That?

The way WtHiT works is, I don’t tell you what it is.  And you’re all “What the hell is that?”  And I’m all, “nuh uh, not telling.”  And you’re all, “wait, I bet I totally know.”  And I’m all like, “yeah, well, leave a comment or something then, smart-face.”

Aaaaaaaaaaand scene.  There’s your first big old round-up digest-type post.  It’s a change–end of an era and all that, I know, break out the kleenex–but if it’s one of these every weekish or so vs. the old style with months-long breaks, I’m kinda leaning toward this.  Let me know what you think, natch.

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Meta – testing comment filtering

I’m testing out the Akismet plugin to see if it’ll filter out blog spam as well as it’s reported to do; this probably means nothing to you, but if you feel like being helpful, drop a comment onto this post so I can be sure I don’t get any false positives.  

 Thanks!

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The dark side of laundry rooms

There’s a small tale of mystery in this question over on Ask Metafilter—laundry gone missing from a communal laundry room!

Into the dryer went ~8 polos, 2 pairs of jeans, a couple of T-shirts, and some socks & underwear. Out came 4 polos, 1 pair of jeans, 1 T-shirt and not as many of the others.

Bizarre!  I’ve worried now and then that I’ve documented (and, worse, someone else has swapped out) what looked like swapmeet donations that were in fact stray articles of clothing forgotten mid-laundering; it seems an unlikely thing, but who can know for sure?

But I’m pretty sure I’ve never accidentally photographed the inside of a dryer, so I think I’m cleared on this one.

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brass pot

  

Item:

Brass pot.

Why It’s Here:

Ass pot.

Probable Recipient:

Trash slot.

Sass not:

Crass bot.

Comments (2)

black suitcase

  

Item:

A medium-sized black suitcase in good condition.

Why It’s Here:

I don’t know!  I mean, christ, it’s a perfectly decent suitcase!  I try to come up with reasons for this stuff, but c’mon!  eBay!  Craigslist!  This isn’t a half-emptied bottle of avocado-rum hair gel, people, it’s a freakin’ suitcase.  It’s got little wheels and everything!  You can sell this!  You can turn this directly into money with minimal effort!

Though maybe there were body parts inside or something.  I didn’t check.

Probable Recipient:

Someone who is going to be all “holy crap, I can’t believe someone was just giving this away!  It’s a sweet-ass suitcase!  They must be a real idiot, whoever they are!  Seriously!”  Seriously!

Or it might be a zombie suitcase:

You know, like in that George Romero movie.

You know the one I’m talking about.

Samsonite of the Living Dead.

Comments

target home potpourri

  

Item:

A clear plastic box of potpourri with Target “HOME” branding on it. 

Why It’s Here:

There’s a couple on the fifth floor of the building; he’s Protestant, she’s areligious.  They love each other dearly, but he has such a temper when he reads the newspaper that she’s walking on eggshells some evenings just to avoid the insult shrapnel as he chews his way through the International section.

One recent evening, enraged as he was by news of recent Vatican declarations re: demoninational waywardness and the primacy of the Church, he could not contain himself and was heard to cry out:  “Goddam Popery!”

She misunderstood, saw this sitting unopened on the table, and dashed it down to the laundryroom in a panic.

Probable Recipient:

Rome, if someone doesn’t stand up to ‘em.  Opus Dei, amirite?

And now for some self-promotion:

I’ve recently started doing a new project.  It’s a sort of absurdist web comic made from baseball cards, but it’s not really about baseball, and it’s honestly pretty hard to explain so you should just go check it out.  It’s called bunt cake, and if you enjoy reading the swapmeet you’re probably the sort of weirdo who will get what I’m trying to do over there.  And I mean that very warmly.

Comments (1)

floral print from briggs

  

Item:

A black and yellow floral print something-or-other from Briggs New York.

Why It’s Here:

Previous owner cared less about owning this article of clothing (whatever it is—a dress? a shirt? strange trousers?) than they did about showing off the epic markdown chain that got it into their hands in the first place.  $34.00!  $14.99!  $13.00 even! 

I guess that isn’t actually that epic.  The extra “$19.01″ made it look kind of exciting, but it turns out that was just math.  Maybe that’s why they got rid of it: they hate math!

Probable Recipient:

Albert frickin’ Einstein or something.

You know who else liked steep discounts:

Adolf H—[editor's note: we apologize for the whole "You know who else x?  Hitler!" meme.  We're trying to rein him in some, but he just thinks it's hilarious and won't stop using it.  He does it at the dinner table, he does it at shareholder meetings.  It's insane.  You know for what other value of x he's used that joke?  That's right, Adolf H—{janitor's note: I'm really really sorry about that.  They don't pay me enough for this shit.}]

Comments

pair of clay pots

  

Item:

Two clay pots, of small and medium size and light and middling color respectively.

Why It’s Here:

Previous owner was going crazy trying to grapple with the paradoxical juxtaposition of dualism and unity.  For are they not both pots, both alike in essence?  Clay, the two of them, and of similar shape and purpose and hew. 

And yet!  Different colors!  Different sizes!  One new, one aged; one spotlessly clean, the other caked with the dirt of some now-dead or -transplanted floral occupant—how can we say these are the same, when they are so different?

Plus, dude probably forgot to water whatever was in them.

Probable Recipient:

A really cheap, really imaginative Primus fanatic.  She’ll use these and some tape and some pipe cleaners to make a little planter homunculus and put it up on a pedestal and sacrifice low-B bass strings to it and call it ‘Les Claypots’.

There are about five different ways:

that I could have gone with that Les Claypots thing, but that’s what I settled on because the rough draft in my head was the least stupid of the bunch.  Woe, woe unto the Being John Malkovich tourists in my mind who had to endure the brainstorming process.

Comments

Not a redesign, just a hiccup

The swapmeet, along with a bunch of other things, has been rather mussed up by a recent Dreamhost security gaffe and ensuing hack.  That sucks, but it’s (hopefully) the past; in the present, I’m bootstrapping things as best I can, but the site may look odd for a bit.  Apologies!

Also, hacker nazis must die, kthx.

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