stained lacy thingy
Item:
A white lacy…thing. It has two distinct stains on it: red spots, faded brown region.
Why It’s Here:
Stains are God’s way of saying “you should go put this in the laundry room.”
Probable Recipient:
An atheist, clearly. Or a giant who is in the market for a slightly-used doily.
Little known fact about giants:
They have very poor visual acuity. A stain that’s smaller than, say, a dachsund? May as well not be there.
It’s hard on giants. Fifty feet tall, nearly subsonic voice—even if the optometrics field were inclined to make crazy out-sized contact lenses, they could hardly make an appointment: the national guard would intercept and start firing missles at ‘em before they could get halfway cross town to the eye doctor.
Giants mostly get by fashioning crude spectacles out of discarded objective lenses from telescopes or—in desperate cases—a couple of fresnel lenses stolen from a local high school theater department.
When Hubble finally gets decommissioned, there’s going to be a hell of a bidding war on eBay.