Is a little happiness too much to ask for? Mr. Stroller had only just found some joy and companionship, and now, so soon, he is alone again.
Why, Ms. Stroller? Why did you leave? Can’t you see what a state you’ve left this poor vehicle in? He sits in the dim corner, capable only of wondering how he ended up in such a sorry situation. What, he wonders, next?
A hand-painted sign that says “TiKi BAR” in yellow paint. There’s black fabric piping around the edges of the words.
The tiki bar closed down.
Whoever re-opens the tiki bar.
To get to the other tiki bar.
A copy of Intercultural Communication, by Ron Scollon and Suzanne Wong Scollon.
Previous owner dropped out of the class because he couldn’t understand where the professor was coming from.
The resident mad scientist, who is looking to foster some collaboration between his various strains of sentient yogurt.
should have done commercials for Yoplait. Adopting “Karma Chameleon” lyrics for a yogurt jingle is left as an exercise for the reader.
A folding table (I guess) with a diamond-shape blue/green/yellow pattern on top.
To flush out the epileptics? That tabletop pattern is seriously loud. It’s all like HELLO THERE I AM A TABLE LOOK AT ME AAAAARRRRGGG TABLE TABLE TABLE.
Someone with poor hearing.
TABLE TABLE TABLE TABLE
A small black jewelry box, topped by shiny embroidered beads.
The last time a jewelry box showed up, I didn’t know what the hell it was. My wife pointed out that it was a jewelry box. Which it clearly is, I suppose.
So this? This is here to give me a chance to correctly identify it. Salvation. Redemption. I am a whole man once more.
One of those lucky, dashing, incredibly desirable people who can successfully identify jewelry boxes.
What do you call earrings shaped like Ali and Foreman?
Jewelry boxers!
It’s been a while since we checked in on Mr. Stroller (who was introduced in this post). In the interim, I’m happy to report that he has stuck around.
And it seems to be paying off. Who is this lovely lady, strollering beside him down in the laundryroom? Is it too presumptuous to refer to her as Mrs. Stroller? Perhaps. We’ll see what happens with these crazy kids.
I’m so happy for Mr. Stroller. He’s such a great guy.
A shiny brushed-metal desk lamp with a spiral-tubing base.
I’ve noticed that we see a lot of lamps at the swapmeet [uno, dos, tres]. And what do we do when we have a trend?
We make up a theory!
Swapmeet Lamp Theorem: lamps are more consistently swappable than any other furnishing, according to three factors:
That’s it right there. That’s the real stuff, folks. Science in action.
Someone looking to spruce up their grow-op.
to convince some unsuspecting entrepreneur/marketeer that “grow-op” is actually just industry short-hand for “growth opportunity”. Get them to start using it in business pitches and stuff.
“Yes sir, Tom, this a real money-making opportunity. Get in on the ground floor, my friend, because I’m talking about a genuine grow-op! I’m talking ab—what? Whassamatter?”
A bag of used miniature christmas light strings, including a baggie of spare bulbs.
Why is it here in October, particularly—Christmas is either several months away or even severaler months past! I suppose someone could be thinking that someone else is planning ahead, but that’s crazy talk.
Someone who is planning ahead.
is crazy talk.
Photography - Art and Technique, by Alfred Blaker.
There were actually eleven—eleven!—other books by Blaker, deposited at the swapmeet table over time, though all the rest were deposited before this site came into being.
This is simply the capstone, the final, twelfth volume in the Blaker’s dozen.
Me, actually. Despite the copious evidence on this site to the contrary, I sometimes try to take good photographs. And anything that might help me make short, stumbling steps in the general direction of competence deserves to be saved from the swapmeet and left, unread, on the floor of my apartment indefinitely.
Pulitzer, here I come!
Look, I’d like to see you do better! You think this is easy? You think this sort of thing just writes itself?
Oh, I know! I’ll just head on over to your website at giftexchange.laundromat.com and see what sort of wonderful brilliant things you have to say about Alfred Blaker’s non-fiction works, and—oh wait, there’s no such website!
So quit smothering me!
[slams door to bedroom]
A stack of the current issue of kaleidoscope, the catalog for Portland Community College.
You know how they do “college week” sometimes on Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune? I think maybe it’s something like that.
Theodore Roosevelt!
I am incredibly high right now.