Laundryroom Swapmeet

Welcome back, you weird little bastard.

Who’s this scrappy redhead, this metal wallflower?  Why, I believe we’ve had a visit from Mr. Handtruck!

He was here and then gone again—to return, perhaps, some day?  I do not know.  But here he was, and we will always cherish the memory of that happy day.

Item:

A pile of assorted items of clothing.

Why It’s Here:

To raise, once agian, the question of where the line is drawn between a swapmeet donation and legitimate laundry room business.  Something about the colorfulness and variety here suggests to me that someone is clearing out the old wardrobe, but what if?  What if this is just a load of delicates waiting to be washed?  Really, the whole clothing category occupies some point on this continuum of property rights ambiguity.  Like a border patrol between warring nations of ownership.

Ambiguity is the meat in a reality sandwich.

Probable Recipient:

Someone looking to re-upholster their stuffed tiger. 

Reality Sandwich:

Sounds pretty good right now.  I think I should eat lunch.

Item:

A bottle of Holiday Shimmer, uh, stuff. “Cucumber Melon” flavor.

Why It’s Here:

Prior owner couldn’t tell what this stuff was for.  Is it shampoo?  Body wash?  Hair cream?  It has sort of a viscous look to it in the photo, but isn’t that a hairspray nozzle at the top?

It looks like some wacky mutant freak toiletry, to me.  I should probably ask my wife.

Probable Recipient:

A girl. Just—I’m just putting it out there.  Okay?

Cucumber Melon Body Stuff:

Because your skin and/or hair deserves a mix of fruits and vegetables.

Item:

An issue of Taste of Home magazine, featuring Apple Contest Winners.

Why It’s Here:

Deposited by embittered Apple Contest Loser.

Probable Recipient:

Recent out-of-town transplant who’s feeling homesick.  Ironically, eating this magazine will only make them feel sicker.

So those caramel apples:

What’s going on there?  There’s, what, caramel and frosting and, uh, crushed peanuts?  Crumbled cornbread?  Whatever it is, jammed in around the popsicle sticks.  That’s just way too busy for a caramel apple.

Item:

A white three-ring binder, with nothing inside.

Why It’s Here:

It’s a metaphor.  A metaphor for creative potential.  Because all of us, we’re like three ring binders of life.  We yearn to be filled with college- or wide-rule paper.  We foster within us a burning need to snap open, snap shut—but always by the end tabs, never by the rings, or they will get bent.  And nobody wants bent rings.  Nobody.

Or maybe it’s a metaphor for the new year.  Happy 2007: get to work on this binder.  What a dreary thought.

Probable Recipient:

Some jackass little kid who will bend the rings.  Goddammit.

May Auld Aquantaince Be Forgot:

And something something beer.  Here’s to regular updates, folks.