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Archive for clothing

People wear the darndest things! And then they don’t anymore, and that’s when I get to take pictures. I’m like the forensic photographic unit of the fashion police.

purse with metal chain



A small grey-and-white-striped purse with pink piping and only for you viagra no prescription a metal chain strap.


Why It’s Here:

It heard about the wallet gathering and rushed down to see if it was still going on. 


Probable Recipient:

A girly zebra on the hunt for accessories.  I bet there’s zebras up on 5.


The problem with zebras:

You can’t show ‘em on TV.  It’s those stripes.  High-contrast parallel stripes are just murder—interference patterns all over the place.  Moire patterns, I’m saying.

Those nature shows?  The ones that have zebras on them?  Computer graphics.  Special effects using carefully-designed fakes.  Zebra sequences have long been at the bleeding edge of cialis by mail'>cialis by mail video post-production technology.  At technical conferences, when discussing new effects-production technologies, skeptical video engineers will often say, “sure, the demo looked good, but will it zebra?“  

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white banana republic blouse



A white blouse from, according to viagra canadian pharmacy the tag, Banana Republic.


Why It’s Here:

Recent convert to nudism


Probable Recipient:

A hungry impulse shopper.  (Impulse swapper?)

“Man.  Hungry hungry hungry.  Hrm.  Laundry room.  Table.  Shirt.  Hungry.  Hungry hungry.  Banana Republic.  Hrm.  Hungry.  Banana.  Banana hungry shirt.  Eat banana shirt armmphhgrrrphhmm…” 


Onomatopoeia – an introduction:

- Josh Millard

Typing words to convey sounds is as much an art as it is a science.  How did I get so good at it?  I’m a frickin’ genius, is how.  But you can learn too!  Just follow this simple process:

1. Decide on a sound you want to onomatopoeianate.  Funny sounds are best—no one likes a boring sound effect.  Example: fart noise = good; gentle weeping = bad.

2. Repeat the noise with your mouth.  Use your hands as well if necessary.  Do this for several minutes.  Test your performance on others: ask a coworker or a passerby “what this sounds like”, and adjust your performance accordingly until you are satisfied with the results.

3. Look at your keyboard.  How would you spell the noise you’re making?  Note that spellcheck will not be helpful.  Sound it out, do your best, and when in doubt use the “plbbbttt” construct—a number of excellent onomatopoeiaers have gotten their start this way.

4. Bonus hint!  Still having trouble?  Old Batman comics are a treasure trove!


grey cords



A pair of grey corduroy pants.


Why It’s Here:

Prior owner didn’t like the semantic connection with bumpy, improvised swamp-road improvements.


Probable Recipient:

Someone with the good sense to realize that cords are awesome.  I love me some cords, but these were made for a short person.


Stupid joke I just made up:

What do you call striped trousers worn by men who dig up buried hives?

Bee miner cords!  AHAHAHAHA!

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live in love strap


A black strap of some sort, about a foot long, with “LIVE in LOVE” in white stitching.


Why It’s Here:

Bitter keepsake of a collapsed BDSM relationship, maybe?  It looks like it could be a choker.  Or, more to the point, a collar.


Probable Recipient:

Someone who is hankerin’ for a spankerin’. 


There was this punk girl:

I knew her only as a general acquaintance, in high school—I can’t remember her name at all.  But she was a tall, dark haired girl with very fair skin, quite pretty, sort of quiet.  Wore black pleather and safetypins and died bits of her hair various colors at times.  Hot Topic shopper, as a lot of girls were, but she wore it well and added her own accessories.

And it came up one day, in a conversation on the MAX, that she was Christian.  And a friend of mind—a good, smart, likeable nerd who was only occasionally totally obnoxious—pointed out how totally weird and unexpected that was.  Because she was, like, totally punked out.  And, uh, you know, that’s, uh.  Weird.  Um.

That’s more or less a direct recreation of his argument, anyway.  I was struck at the time that someone as smart as him could draw such a weird false dichotomy.  But he’s always been a bit abrasive toward organized religion.  Go figure.

I just remembered that.

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quintet of wallets



Five wallets, of varying size, shape, and color.


Why It’s Here:

More importantly, what happened before they showed up? Someone managed to amass wallets. Compulsive shopper? Uninventive gifts over a stretch of years ? Literally too much cash? And then, bam—to the swapmeet with you! 


Probable Recipient:

The wallet inspector. 


Pink faux-snake skin:

It’s like it’s crying out to we like it women viagra the world: “I am fake! I am real!” Make up your goddam mind, you waffling textile!

Comments (1)

salmon polo shirt



A salmon (no, really, I swear) polo shirt, with a little cat logo on the breast. 


Why It’s Here:

Because no one but a professional golfer walks around in a salmon polo shirt.  So someone in the building just got kicked off the tour, basically. 


Probable Recipient:

Greg Norman, who totally lives here and is a big old pennypincher.  Scout’s honor.


The shirt not really looking salmon:

It’s not my fault.  The lighting in the laundry room is just terrible.  Awful.  A couple of flourescents overhead, and maybe some light coming in through the windows if it’s daytime and not too overcast.  Not ideal lighting for color photography.

And I could take some time and color-correct every single photo, but more time spent color-correcting is less time spent doing other things, like writing pithy witticisms.  Or playing video games.  Or drinking.

So just take my word for it.  That shirt is as salmon-colored as the day is long.  And it’s August in the northern hemisphere, so, yeah.


fc willamette hoodie



A hoodie sweatshirt that says “F.C. Willamette” on it.


Why It’s Here:

I’m just not sure.  Who gets rid of a hoodie?  I mean, shit.  Hoodies are awesome.  All I can figure is wow)) over the counter viagra that something pretty heavy must’ve gone down.

A bit of viagra tablets googlebation shows me that F.C. Willamette is some sort of soccer organization serving Corvallis and generic cialis 100mg'>generic cialis 100mg Eugene, primarily.  Has some sixteen-year-old girl moved to the Big City and left her soccer pals behind?  Is this hoodie the last painful remnant of that doomed ball/foot romance?


Probable Recipient:

The same broken-hearted girl who left it here in the first place, when she realizes her mistake.  But what if…what if she’s too late?  Run, Kendra!  Run to the laundry room! 


Clothes in the swapmeet:

Isn’t that kind of confusing?  I mean, this is, ostensibly, the room where clothes get washed and dried and folded.  And the table is, again ostensibly, a place where the folding and stacking should happen.

So how can I—how can anyone in the building—be sure that this hoodie is swapmeet merchandise?  What if young Kendra was folding her clothes and just forgot to grab Ol’ Hoodie?

It is a dilemma of no small proportion.

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sweater, towel, rug



A black sweater, a bluegreen towel (with nasty brown stains!), and a fuzzy orange yarn rug. 


Why it’s here:

Well, it’s summer, so the sweater isn’t really pulling its weight. Got to make room for halter tops and daisy dukes, right? The towel looks pretty wrecked, so I’m guessing the owner bought a not-frightening replacement. And that rug? Orange is no longer the new black. It’s the old ugly orange again. 


Probable recipient:

Someone who is cold, wet, and sick of our building’s hardwood floors. I’m hoping for a disoriented Tarzan, shivering in his loin cloth after a Portland rainshower and follow link viagra canada prescription hoping to simulate, however poorly, the leafy undergrowth of the forest floor. 


Where that weird towel stain came from:

I daren’t speculate. 

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