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Archive for furnishings

Home decoration can be a real pain in the buy viagra pill ass. This stuff is proof.

advanced architectural design

Item:

A poster advertising a Master of Science program in Advanced Architectural Design.

Why It’s Here:

Academia, in its ongoing struggle for relevance, has resorted to guerilla marketing, planting striking three-by-four posterboard writeups in laundry rooms across the nation.

Probable Recipient:

A red-haired young firebrand named Howard Roark. And now you know the rest of cialis online generic the story.

I took a philosophy class in college:

It was an elective credit whim—I figured, what the hell, so long as I’m always running my mouth off I might as well shore up the foundation a bit.

The philosophy professor—and you could tell he was a philosophy professor because he dressed in a calculatedly casual and only best offers cheapest cialis non-professorial manner, and because he had a bunch of philosophy books on display bearing his name—asked all of us, on the first day of class, who our favorite contemporary philosophers were. In most classes, this would qualify as an ice-breaker, but in that class it was more of a challenge.

And some poor son of a bitch said, “Ayn Rand“. And this professor just laughed; and it was a dark, cruel, unfriendly laugh, the sort of thing that has more to www.thegreatdisplaycompany.com do with naked contempt than humor or mirth or any flavor of larptrek.com human kindness.

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bamboo plant

  

Item:

A bamboo plant in a small glass rectangular vase.

 

Why It’s Here:

Pardon some philosophizing, but bamboo makes me all zen and thoughtful:

The “why it’s here” portion of these writeups is a curious beast.  While those words can be seen as a simple prompt for explanation—how did this thing arrive at this location?—there is a more charged, and in many cases more likely meaning:

“What is viagra on-line wrong with this?”

For something to have arrived at this table, it stands to reason that someone in the building held the thing in their hands and thought, “I do not want this.”  The act of putting something into the auraltimes.com swapmeet is unavoidably also the act of rejection.

And yet, the object so rejected is considered to have value.  Perhaps only theoretical value, true—by putting a thing on good choice buy generic cialis online the table, the prior owner is not necessarily saying “someone will want this”; they may only be saying “someone might want this”, with an explict or tacit coda:  “…though god knows why they would.”

And so the question of “why it’s here” acts as a sort of dark, unloving yin to the “probable recipient” yang, complementary meditations on the desirable and the undesirable.  Partners in an acknowledgement of the possibility of an object being simultaneously valueless and valuable, disposable and utile, trash and treasure.

The laundryroom swapmeet, then becomes a sort of nexus of ownership, a still, quiet eye in the existential storm.  A wormhole, if you will, through which possessions may travel from illfitting owners to those who can better love them.

So why is this bamboo plant here?  It is here because this is where it was put.  It is here because this is where things go.  It is here because it must stop here, however briefly, if it is to make the journey from the place Where It Was to viagra 20mg'>viagra 20mg the place Where It Should Be.

And it is here because the it's cool viagra for sale viagra pharmacy in india'>viagra pharmacy in india fucking thing makes anyone who looks at it go into a zen trance and we recommend ordering viagra online go on for paragraphs at a time.  It’s goddam voodoo, man!  Stay away!

 

Probable Recipient:

A yuppie.  Yuppies love bamboo.  I read it in a magazine. 

 

And now, your moment of generic cialis from india zen:

[sound of Josh being sued into paste by The Daily Show's law team]

Comments (4)

metal dish rack

  

Item:

A shiny metal dishrack, with a transluscent plastic something-holder attachment. 

 

Why It’s Here:

Previous owner is the daughter—and now heiress to the fortune—of the most powerful disposable dishware magnate in the land, the late Mr. Frederick Templeton Chinette.

 

Probable Recipient:

Someone looking for an innovative way to slice 10-pound blocks of cheese. 

 

Dish racks are not humorous:

And so I don’t think I can really be blamed here.  Seriously, can you think of a good joke involving a dishrack?  A big-budget comedy?  A bumper sticker?  No.  You can’t.  Because dish racks aren’t funny.

Comments (2)

mug and plate in orange box

Item:

An unmatched ceramic mug and a plate, in an orange box.

Why It’s Here:

To frighten and confuse!

It’s worth noting that the orange box originally contained ski-boots. Not that you’d be able to tell, from where you’re sitting—the text in the photo isn’t readable without a pair of patented Ultra-Vision Goggles—but take my word for it. Dinnerware in an orange ski-boot box. Lovecraftian, this thing.

Probable Recipient:

Someone who keeps leaving their ski-boots sitting out. You know who you are.

New patented Ultra-Vision Goggles:

They’re the patentedest!

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shattered stella artois glass

  

Item:

A broken Stella Artois glass in a big cardboard box.

 

Why It’s Here:

What?  What do you—are you saying that, that—

Seriously, isn’t this the trashcan?  It looks just like the trashcan.  What with the washers and dryers and the mailboxes and the folding table and the being-an-entire-goddam-room.

And get off my lawn!

 

Probable Recipient:

Someone with some crazy glue and orphanroad.com a lot of free time.

 

Self-restraint:

Is the only thing standing between you and the dozen or so terrible jokes I could make about how that glass is roycmartin.com not looking so stella, &c.

Comments (1)

blue dolphin lamp

Item:

A transluscent blue lamp shaped like a dolphin.

 

Why It’s Here:

Previous owner felt it was too dildonic. 

 

Probable Recipient:

Someone who’s looking to make a statement.  Specifically, this statement:  “I have a lamp that looks like a glowing blue dolphin dildo.” 

 

Word of the day:

Teledildonics!

Comments (2)

squishy pink pillow

  

Item:

A smallish, squishy hot-pink pillow.

 

Why It’s Here:

Because the previous owner couldn’t stand how it felt.

Trust me.  You may think that I just wander down into the laundry room and take pictures of generic cialis for sale this crap from a safe distance, but if you do then you think wrongly.  I have to frame these shots.  I have to make a clear space on a often-crowded table.  I have to manipulate these objects with my bare hands.  And when I say this thing is kind of gross and squishy, I mean it.  Oh lord do http://skunkgal.com/free-cialis-sample I mean it.

 

Probable Recipient:

Hell’s Couch. 

 

I mean, the way this pillow felt:

So gross.  So very wrong. 

<shudder>

Comments (2)

mirrored shower clock radio

  

Item:

A shower-ready clock radio, with round mirror.

 

Why It’s Here:

Remember that person who gave up on showers?  No showers, no shower radio.  QED.

 

Probable Recipient:

Someone who falls asleep in the shower.  Who plans on it, even.  Or didn’t you notice?  This thing has a snooze button.  For when you just need ten more minutes to sleep while showering.  Because narcolepsy is no excuse for poor hygiene.

 

But, wait, seriously:

Is this thing just totally bitchin’, or what?

P.S. Did you ever know someone who said “bitching” in the above context?  Not bitchin’, but bitching.  “Man, that is totally bitching?”

Man, I did.  Hilarious.  Hilarious.

Comments (3)

stained lacy thingy

  

Item:

A white lacy…thing.  It has two distinct stains on it: red spots, faded brown region.

 

Why It’s Here:

Stains are God’s way of saying “you should go put this in the laundry room.”

 

Probable Recipient:

An atheist, clearly.  Or a giant who is in the market for a slightly-used doily. 

 

Little known fact about giants:

They have very poor visual acuity.  A stain that’s smaller than, say, a dachsund?  May as well not be there.

It’s hard on http://www.thegreatdisplaycompany.com/lowest-price-viagra giants.  Fifty feet tall, nearly subsonic voice—even if the optometrics field were inclined to cuandollegaelduende.com make crazy out-sized contact lenses, they could hardly make an appointment: the national guard would intercept and start firing missles at ‘em before they could get halfway cross town to the eye doctor.

Giants mostly get by fashioning crude spectacles out of discarded objective lenses from telescopes or—in desperate cases—a couple of fresnel lenses stolen from a local high school theater department.

When Hubble finally gets decommissioned, there’s going to be a hell of a bidding war on eBay.

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red bed covering

  

Item:

A red bed covering, wadded up.

 

Why It’s Here:

It’s August over here—don’t know what that is in GMT—and we’ve had more hot weather than we know what to do with.  Portland is supposed to be rainy, for Christ’s sake.  So this 80s-and-90s crap wears on a person.

And at some point, this freaking bed covering said the wrong thing, or just looked at the previous owner the wrong way, or something.  And that was that: torn from the bed, bundled hastily, and marched down to the swapmeet table. 

 

Probable Recipient:

Someone with thin blood and/or an AC unit. 

 

Red bed red bed red bed:

Man does that ever rhyme.  That rhymes like nobody’s business.  Red red bed bed reddy-beddy red.

Comments (1)