Laundryroom Swapmeet

Item:

A DVD copy of “Delta of Venus”, in both R and NC17 rated cuts.

Why It’s Here:

Let’s take a look at the ratings for this flick over at IMDB.

Hey!  The only 10/10 rating—in fact, the only rating better than 6-ish/10—is from a male under the age of 18.  Yes, we get it: teenage boys love boobs.  And nobody else loves this movie at all.

Probable Recipient:

Somebody who is looking for a movie that “has politics, romance, sexual awakening, war, art, anti-semitism and lots of sexy gorgeous nude woman (especially, if you like red heads) in a wonderfully photographed ‘epic’.”

That’s right, it’s not an epic, it’s an “epic”.  

For a slightly better-reviewed Anais Nin period film:

 Consider Henry and June, which rocks a comparitively stellar 6.2/10 rating and features Kevin Spacey. 

 Kevin Spacey, man!  He’s one of the actors on my shitting-and-phonebook list: I like him so much, I’d watch him take a shit or read from the phonebook.  Now, if someone filmed Spacey shitting while Chris Walken read the phonebook to him?  That’d be a little slice of cinematic heaven.

Item:

A stained glass picture of a hand.

Why It’s Here:

Previous owner couldn’t stand to look at it after that last bad acid trip. 

Probable Recipient:

Someone looking to add a hint of extremely proud parent flavor to their decor.

David Lynch’s film version of Dune:

So awesome.  I can understand the animosity from die-hard Herbert fans—Lynch took a lot of creative liberties—but what a beautifully ugly and surreal film!

I bring it up because the minute I saw this stained glass thing, I thought to myself, “Father!  The sleeper has awakened!”

So awesome.

Item:

The Machinist, on DVD.

Why It’s Here: 

God damn it all, why is it here?  And by “here” I mean “sitting on one of the dryers”?  That’s not the table!  That’s not even close to the table!  You couldn’t put it farther from the table unless you walked to the far corner of the room and set it next to the bike that’s always sitting under the “don’t park your bike here” notice.

It is pretty weird that someone would leave a DVD, without a case, down here.  Maybe it was left here accidentally.  Maybe it wasn’t meant for the swapmeet at all.

Probable Recipient:

The permanent press cycle, if they aren’t careful.

The movie:

I haven’t seen it.  Anybody know what it’s about?  Is that Jennifer Jason Leigh brooding on the cover?  I could check it out on IMDB, but I suffer from a specific sort of laziness that prevents me from doing things when I could instead complain about doing things.

Item:

Creed album “Human Clay”, and a bonus disc: Five Classic Meditations by Shinzen Young.

Why it’s here:

Why it’s here: It’s a Creed album. No one anywhere needs to have this, including, clearly, the previous owner. I’m guessing that the Meditations album is a sort of apology: “I apologize for foisting Scott Stapp upon you. Here, this is a gift for your troubles.”

Probable recipient:

Someone who doesn’t know better. It’s possible this album will be sitting on the table for quite a while.

Related anecdote:

The nearby mall recently closed a Sam Goody store. I stopped by on the last day. They were selling literally everything: CDs and impulse buy stuff, sure, but also the shelves and countertops and cash register. Everything.

There were a lot of crappy albums sitting around. Mostly local-ish stuff or really inadvisable label ventures. And showcased dead-center, in a flashy display from which not a single CD was missing? Former Creed frontman Scott Stapp’s solo album. Marked down to $2 (from $20!) and no one would buy it.