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Archive for reading

Look, I’ll tell you this, and I want you to cialis professional 100 mg'>cialis professional 100 mg know I’m not one bit sorry about it: I’m going to judge these books by their covers.

golden grimms fairy tales

  

Item:

A large hardback edition of The Golden Book of Grimm’s Fairy Tales.

 

Why It’s Here:

Benvenuti is an illustrator overcome by self-loathing.  And he lives here.  So it stands to reason that he’d drop this off on the table.

 

Probable Recipient:

A parent who appreciates the importance of scaring the holy goddam out of their kids.  Seriously, take a look at this… 

 

Mind-scarring discarded human dermis imagery:

Ahhh!  Nightmares for weeks!

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trio of novels

  

Item:

Three paperback novels, by Sandford, Grisham, and Lehane.

 

Why It’s Here:

Too much blue on buy viagra online india someone’s bookshelf.  And the two on the left—both #1 New York Times Bestsellers?  You know they didn’t get along.  Drama queens, always arguing.  “I’m terrific!”  “Says who, USA Today?  Ha!  Darling, The Washington Post says I’m ‘a great read’.”  “Oh yeah?  Well, well, you’re fat!

And so on.  Intolerable.

 

Probable Recipient:

Someone who thinks that “King of cailis canadian farmacy'>cailis canadian farmacy Torts” is a hilarious pun and oene.com.br not evidence that Grisham is wandering dangerously close to self-parody.  Or someone who has been indecisve about their prey so far.  Or someone who likes rivers that are, um, mystic.

Okay, that fell apart a little at the end.

 

It could be a lot worse, though:

It could be the Da Vinci Code.

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chicken soup magazine leftovers

  

Item:

Several pages of Chicken Soup for the recommended site cost of levitra Soul Magazine, stapled together.

 

Why It’s Here:

Because otherwise I would not believe that it exists.  Seriously, a magazine?  Could they not print the books fast enough?  Did they run out of clever titles for the endless sequels?  (”Would You Believe We’ve Found Another Cauldron of Chicken Soup for the Soul?”)

And just like six pages, cut out and stapled.  Someone felt this specific portion of the magazine was either too good not to share, or too awful to keep.  I’m hoping it’s the latter—someone has 90% of a magazine up in their apartment, and they sit and read it secure in the knowledge that they won’t be bothered by the cover or by pages 61-69.

 

Probable Recipient:

Someone who is looking for (as the www.coeescv.net top right right of the cover advertises) something “like a new best friend”, in magazine excerpt form.

 

General Hospital’s Maurice Benard:

Don’t you just want to punch him?  Right in the nose.  Seriously.

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rerun – the lonesome sourcebook

O unloved book!

O rejected tome!

You may recognize this fella from a happier time—a time when he wasn’t alone, when he was part of something.  When they were together.

But now he’s back, this lonesome Designer’s Edition, torn away from his companion, his twin.  Torn away and returned, like some ill-fitting sweater, to the swapmeet.

Welcome back, you poor bastard.

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have you seen me flyer

  

Item:

Two weekly “Have You Seen Me” mail inserts, with an age-progressed photo.

 

Why It’s Here:

Lazy building occupants left it on the table when they got their mail.  (Come on, people—there’s a recycling bin like five feet away, and it’s closer to low cost levitra'>low cost levitra the mailbox than table is!)

One of them felt like crumpling theirs up, though.  Points for effort.

 

Probable Recipient:

John Walsh

 

My impressive photoshop skills:

Are the only thing standing between you and the identity of we like it non prescription cialis the non-crumpling flyer litterer.  Or between you and their apartment number, anyway: these things always come to RESIDENT.

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art catalog, 2006-2007

  

Item:

A catalog for the 2006-2007 art season.  The whole season in general, I guess.  I didn’t realize art even had a season.

 

Why It’s Here:

Because art is for nerds and lesbians.  Now shut up.  Game’s on. 

 

Probable Recipient:

Nerds, lesbians.  Whatever.  Seriously, I’m trying to watch this, would you sit the viagra sample freak down?

 

Holy freakin’ christ:

Are the refs blind?  Come on!

I can’t believe that call.  I cannot believe that freakin’ call.

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arbys five for five ninety five

  

Item:

A flyer (or, really, many flyers) advertising Arby’s 5 for $5.95 roast beef special.

 

Why It’s Here:

That damned postal worker, fulfilling their damned job duties.

 

Probable Recipient:

Someone with a yen for roast beef.  And a car or a lot of time on their hands—the nearest Arby’s is over at Lloyd Center, which is at bare minimum a twenty minute trip from our apartment via the MAX, including reasonable waking time and assuming the train is right there when you get to the station.  And then you have to be in the mall.

 

Going to the mall just for Arby’s:

It’s something that I do at most like once a year.  Tops.

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burger king flyer

  

Item:

Coupon flyer advertising “Great BK Savings” for your “Midnight Fix”.

 

Why It’s Here:  

Almost certainly delivered by the mail person.  Damn them!

 

Probable Recipient:

Someone who wishes to have it their way even though it’s like one in the goddam morning.

 

My way or the highway:

Wouldn’t that be a fun proposition to http://roycmartin.com/viagra-stories make at a Burger King drivethrough?  Demand a preposterous custom order—perhaps you would like extra pants on your Whopper—and then point out that the kitchen can either meet your requirements or proceed directly to the interstate.

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national geographic adventure

  

Item:

An issue of National Geographic Adventure magazine.  The cover story is a re-examination of those cannibalistic soccer players from the film Alive!.

 

Why It’s Here:

Someone was annoyed that it wasn’t called National Geographic Misadventure, considering the cover story and http://usereccentric.com/purchase-cialis all.

 

Probable Recipient:

Someone who’s still on the fence about Cerro Torre.

 

Graphic design decision I don’t get:

That little white triangle on top of the “N” in ADVENTURE.  What is viagra 100'>viagra 100 that?  Maybe a compass point?  It’s not the NG logo—that’s the rectangular frame in the upper left—and it’s awfully conspicuous.

Is it a tent?  Is it a tiny little adventure tent?  Because that is precious.

Comments (5)

sourcebook of artists

Item:

The Sourcebook of Artists, a two volume set: architect’s and designer’s editions, respectively. 

 

Why It’s Here:

I think someone has given up on their art career.  I think it might be someone whose heart was broken by the terrible critical response to their mixed media orange cellophane installation.

 

Probable Recipient:

Another artist, and a narcissist to boot: they’ll only take the books to see if they’re in them

 

These books brought to you by:

The number 10.  Is this the tenth edition?  The tenth anniversary?  Are there only ten artists in each book?

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