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e-solitaire console



An e-solitaire handheld game, apparently manufactured by Excalibur.


Why It’s Here:

Previous owner found wall with drying paint on it, lost interest. 


Probable Recipient:

An incredibly disappointed ten year old.

“Mom, I asked for a Nintendo DS, not a pretendo POS!  I hate you!” 


At this one job I had:

there was this lady who had a little handheld video poker game that she would play all day long.  (It was the sort of job where you could do generic form of cialis'>generic form of cialis that.  For my part, I did a lot of writing and buying cialis without prescription'>buying cialis without prescription a fair amount of drawing.)

So she’d be playing and playing, hand after hand, and every once in a while things would be going really well and you’d hear her stand up and tell a neighbor about how much she won.

And if she had a really bad run, man, she’d curse a blue streak.  I’ve never seen someone more angry at a fake gambling game.  “Fuck,” she would hiss, “you fucking shithole.  Fuck!”


magazine sextet



Six magazines: three issues of local richie rag Portland Monthly, plus one issue each of the sisterhood of Us, Star, and People.


Why It’s Here:

Have you ever tried to read any of these?  These are here because burning is too good.


Probable Recipient:

A humble and generous fire.


Friday is effect of viagra on women sigh-day:

And I’ve got nothing.  How are you doing?


knife and peeler



A stainless-steel butter knife and an orange-handled peeler.


Why It’s Here:

There was a terrible argument.  They became enraged.  They decided they could only settle things with a knife fight.

In the cupboard, they found a butter knife…and a peeler.  At first, he argued that a peeler was like enough a knife that the difference wasn’t an issue.  She objected: you could hardly stab with a peeler.  The knife was an unfair advantage.

So he offered to take the peeler.  Insisted.  She became suspicious, and accused him of intending to not stab but rather shred, an altogether more demoralizing martial tactic.  Tool-choice negotiations deteriorated, with shouted vituperations and threats renewed at yet greater volume.

Finally, she suggested they have a drawing.  They would put the names of each tool—”mr. knife”, “mr. peeler”—on slips of paper in a hat, and then each would draw a slip and cheap prescription levitra'>cheap prescription levitra be thus assigned a weapon.

But when they drew from the cialis for order hat they looked at the slips and then at one another, shocked into the realization of what fools they had been:

Neither of them knew how to read.

Actually, that doesn’t really explain how these got down the laundry room, I guess. 


Probable Recipient:

Mr. Obsessive Utensil Collector.


Peelers are a serious health hazard:

You can really slice a serious chunk off with those things.  Ouch.

And don’t get me started about cheese graters.  More like hand graters.

Goddam cheese graters.


faultless heavy starch



A canister of Faultless brand heavy starch, with a no clog guarantee.


Why It’s Here:

Whatever the reason, we can be pretty sure it’s not the starch’s fault.


Probable Recipient:

The can advertises an “extra crisp finish”, so I’m banking on a goofy, accident-prone neighbor whose poor decision-making skills are matched only by her inventiveness in the kitchen: extra crispy chicken, baby.


There’s a picture of a shirt:

and an electric iron, just in case you bought this on impulse and weren’t sure what it was for.  Thoughtful!


stoppered bottle


A green-tinted glass bottle, full of unidentified liquid, with a cork stopper.

Why It’s Here:

Because some guy’s girlfriend was so angry about not being able to open it that she decided to get rid of it. He tried to open it himself to cheap cialis without prescription'>cheap cialis without prescription change her mind, but in the end he couldn’t stop ‘er.

Probable Recipient:

Someone who has been waiting to hear from an sea-faring lover for so long that they’ve lost all sense of reason.

And they’ve been listening to the Police, see.

Message in a Bottle? The song?

Get it?


Is this thing on?

If this stoppered bottle had a name:

It would be Tom.


Comments (1)

meta – monopolizing ‘what the shit’

Glancing through my referrer logs this morning, I saw that folks got to the site by searching for, among other things, “what the shit”—a phrase you may recognize from the top-right corner of this page.

Well, that’s understandable: the swapmeet is the top google hit, baby.

Mostly I’d just like to thank the Academy is all.


rerun – that goddam terry net bath band


Welcome back, purchase you weird little bastard.

Comments (2)

meta – meet mr handtruck


Who’s this scrappy redhead, this metal wallflower?  Why, I believe we’ve had a visit from Mr. Handtruck!

He was here and then gone again—to return, perhaps, some day?  I do not know.  But here he was, and we will always cherish the memory of that happy day.

Comments (1)

a pile of clothes, tiger included



A pile of assorted items of clothing.


Why It’s Here:

To raise, once agian, the question of where the line is drawn between a swapmeet donation and legitimate laundry room business.  Something about the colorfulness and variety here suggests to me that someone is clearing out the old wardrobe, but what if?  What if this is just a load of delicates waiting to be washed?  Really, the whole clothing category occupies some point on this continuum of property rights ambiguity.  Like a border patrol between warring nations of ownership.

Ambiguity is the meat in a reality sandwich.


Probable Recipient:

Someone looking to re-upholster their stuffed tiger. 


Reality Sandwich:

Sounds pretty good right now.  I think I should eat lunch.


holiday shimmer stuff



A bottle of Holiday Shimmer, uh, stuff. “Cucumber Melon” flavor.


Why It’s Here:

Prior owner couldn’t tell what this stuff was for.  Is it shampoo?  Body wash?  Hair cream?  It has sort of a viscous look to it in the photo, but isn’t that a hairspray nozzle at the top?

It looks like some wacky mutant freak toiletry, to me.  I should probably ask my wife.


Probable Recipient:

A girl. Just—I’m just putting it out there.  Okay?


Cucumber Melon Body Stuff:

Because your skin and/or hair deserves a mix of look there viagra from canada fruits and vegetables.

Comments (6)